text; un: berserker; open.

[dehanded]

[ the fact that she manages to text half as well as she does is no small feat, thanks to her literal claws. you thought people with inch long acrylics made clicky noises when she texts? well ibaraki's claws are harder than... most substances found under the earth.

so, for that reason alone, she should be excused for typing with the caps lock on. ]

HELLO DA VINCI

DA VINCI

DA VINCI READ THIS !!!!!!!

DA VINCI

DA VINCI

DA VINCI

DA VINCI YOU ARE USELESS GET OUT OF THE STUPID SHOP AND READ THIS MESSAGE I AM SENDING YOU

OR I WILL SMASH YOUR BIRD DA VINCI

DA VINCI

YOU ARE A TERRIBLE CASTER

DA VINCI!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU THINK YOU CAN HIDE IN YOUR SHOP WITH YOUR EXTRA FOUS

BURNING SERVANTS

AND BEING USELESS? FINE. WE DO NOT NEED YOU.

[ end message. its fine that da vinci didn't respond. ibaraki doesn't need her! she's not tired and hungry and definitely not wanting to go back to chaldea and get some good real food. and real mana and maybe also not be in trouble for... various crimes.




she's not desperate, which is why 2 minutes later, she sends this message: ]

RULER DETECTIVE, IF YOU ARE SO WISE YOU SHOULD READ THIS AND PROVE YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THE USELESS CASTER DA VINCI

YOUR NAME IS HOLMES YES?

ELEMENTARY YOURSELF TO SEE THIS

HOLMES

HOLMES

[ reminder: she is not desperate, and deserves commendation for typing all this with her nasty gremlin claws. ]

Comments

un: nero

[sassery]

omfg TURN OFF YOUR CAPS
holy shit
bruh if youre gonna yell at least yell at the person
not at the network

1/2. (voice to text)

[dehanded]

My "caps," what does that even... ah! Like the Altered Archer says...

2/2. (text.)

[dehanded]

I SHALL PUT THE CAPS IN YOUR ASS

1/? THANKS IBARAKI

[sassery]

[Wait does she not--

Oh my god.

Oh my god.]

text; un: anthony

[freeatlast]

I don't think I've ever seen someone have a fit live online before.

1/2.

[dehanded]

[ what is this person talking about? who are they, even. not da vinci, for sure... well she has to deal with this other one first, so. ]

✔️ Read 8:24 pm.

2/2. ten minutes later.

[dehanded]

I AM NOT LIVING IN THE MACHINE, FOOL

text; un: ironborn

[reek]

Are you finished?

[dehanded]

NO

HOLMES

HOLMES

HOLMES

text; un: bigby 1/2

[sweariff]

[So, there are a lot of ways to approach this, but they all boil down to the same two choices. He could be honest and tactful; the extreme other end of that would be being rude and blunt, but both are pretty reasonable reactions no one would fault him for.

Or—]

2/2

[sweariff]

yeah? what is it?

[He could do that.]

username: thorongil

[elessar]

...What is this?

[ He's not impressed with this level of spam, ma'am. ]

(voice text.)

[dehanded]

[ please forgive her, shes a thousand years oldnand while she does have an understanding of technology and how it works, kind of, netiquette is both above her skill level and beneath her, morally speaking. and the capslock is easier to write with, or something.

luckily, her compass copies his formatting, and he is temporarily freed of the caps. for now. ]

"What is this," it asks, as if it has never seen a message before... Tch, what buffoonery— Ah. It writes...

Hou. Curious.

[ well. this makes things easier! and probably easier to read. ]

It is a message to da Vinci! She claims to be a genuis, but if she cannot see the message, I am going to call for the Ruler-detective instead, to see if he will listen.

text

[comburst]

STOP SPAMMING THE GODDAMN NETWORK

[dehanded]

STOP BEING A FOOL

[ iba, no, he has a point. they've all had points. ]

un: wuxian

[espritdecorpse]

[ his username VERY CLEARLY displays “Wuxian” but that sure isn’t going to stop him from replying: ]

This is Da Vinci. What’s the matter?

[dehanded]

[ oh dear, a little too late, and definitely not bouncy enough. probably needs a "~☆" in there somewhere too. ]

NO

un:baldr

[balessing]

Da Vinci


OH I KNOW HIM

he's part of some jpop idol band isnt he

[ SO CLOSE THAT YES DA VINCI IS AN ARTIST... and yet, no. ]

[dehanded]

PERHAPS? I DO NOT KNOW WHAT SHE DOES WITH HER FREE TIME, WHICH SHE SHOULD NOT HAVE ANYWAY IF SHE WERE

DOING

HER

JOB

HEY DA VINCI

un: aqua

[keytoblivion]

[Well, Aqua doesn't know about the claws or she would compliment her… but she is a little concerned about those messages. So, really to get to the heart of the matter, she asks:]

Are you all right?

[dehanded]

YES

IT IS A MATTER BETWEEN MYSELF AND DA VINCI AND HOLMES

[ please. someone call her on the phone. i am begging you. she is tired of texting. ]

text; un: prompto

[millimeter]

DON'T SMASH THE BIRD!!!! 😱

[dehanded]

TOO LATE

I HAVE ALREADY DECIDED TO DESTROY IT

un: urameshi

[yuseless]

[um. what fresh hell is this???]

what kinda drug r u on kid?



also where can I get some

[dehanded]

NO DRUGS, JUST WINE

GET YOUR OWN